It has begun!!!

Lack of posts notwithstanding, the Detritus Depository is still active. However, I have also started a NEW blog that depends on audience participation. Please go one house down the road to experience the ICON-O-CLASH!!

Five things I would like to do for the Earth

Thanks to dumbs.blogspot.com for this idea.
Post your list on your own blog, or in the comments section of this post, and make the world a better place to infest.

1. Plant trees on the tops of buildings. Or Windmills. Makes a good use of space, helps consume some of the greenhouse gases being generated by the street level, and camouflages us from alien detection.

2. Car Ferries. Saw this on Amazing Race once. People drive their cars up onto flatbed train cars. Train takes them to whatever metropolitain centre to which they are commuting. Unload cars, cars drive the minimal remaining distance to work. Everybody still has the privacy of their cars, but can now read and listen to their own brand of bad music.

3. Fill the Northwest Territories with Windmills. Enormous one-time cost. Huge diversion benefits for years later.

4. Blow out the middle of all the supermakets. Leave the following sections: produce, meat, dairy, bakery. Everything else is just packaging and cattle feed carbs that make people unhealthy.

5. Market public conscience. Every time you fill up with gas, a nickel goes directly into a fund managed by the Ministry of the Environment which gets paid out to the car manufacturers to bring the price of alternative fuel vehicles down. When you later buy your hybrid car you get to claim a credit on your income tax equal to what you paid into the fund for that tax year. Like unemployment insurance for the car industry.

Please to be discussing!

Wrestling: The Great American Crash

BACKGROUND INFO:
My newest form of time-suckage is the WWE's Fantasy Roster Game, where you invest in wrestlers and gain points based on their involvement in TV matches, pay-per-views, etc. I've invited some friends to join in a league so we can track each others' scores. Last week I let them in on my roster picks based on who I thought was going to win Sunday's pay-per-view matches.
Well, still trust me guys? Last weeks picks didn't work out so well, since the Smackdown writers have apparently lost their minds. Let's review:

Heidenreich (with Road Warrior Animal) beat MNM for the tag belts generating 63 points. oohhh what a rush!

Booker T beats Christian. Who did Christian piss off backstage? The guy is looking like the next Roddy Piper to the fans, yet gets the shaft when it comes to booking. As you can guess, I picked Christian, and he only made 19 points.

Orlando Jordan retains the US belt against Benoit, thereby permanently sending Benoit into career limbo and making the belt pretty much useless. I believe they were booking Benoit to win, leading to a Hassan-Benoit feud, but had to throw that out when they decided to kill Hassan off. Anyway, Benoit still made 30 points because he was in some TV stuff on Thursday.

Which leads us to Undertaker vs. Hassan. Both these guys were on the roster but since the deadline to lock choices in, WWE decided to bow to network TV pressure and write Hassan out of the storyline, (that's a first, you cave on a terrorist angle, but retain and defend storylines involving sexual predators, child abuse, necrophilia, and racial stereotypes?). Anyway, as expected Undertaker absolutely destroys Hassan. For the week, Hassan gets 14 points, and Taker a whopping 49.

Mexicools vs BWO was unconfirmed at roster cut-off, so no choices made and no points generated.

Rey Mysterio beats Eddie Guerrero to preserve the "family secret" that Eddie has regarding Mysterio's son. Now, you would think if the writers had been teasing the secret for weeks on TV, and if Eddie declared that if he won, he would reveal all at the pay-per-view, that the result of the match would be fairly predictable right? Give the viewers the pay-off, reveal the secret, and let Mysterio get redemption at a rematch at Summerslam. Not according to the monkeys who handle the booking, but even so, choosing Guerrero gets 49 points, as he was on TV a lot this week.

Then there was a match involving some talentless women, the point of which was that the loser would get stripped down to their underwear, thereby presumably suffering embarrassment and ridicule. In true WWE (or perhaps western media culture) fashion, both participants and the referee all ended up in their skivvies. In retrospect I should have chosen all these girls, because (like in real life) they are relatively cheap, and this match qualifies as a "specialty" match and gets bonus points. Oh well, 67 points down the drain because of my judgment of taste.

Then the main event: Batista vs. JBL. I thought this one was a lock, and picked Batista. Obviously since Undertaker was to become number one contender, they would want Batista to look strong for the monster vs. monster showdown at Summerslam. Batista retains the belt, and made a pile of bonus points by repeated uses of a steel chair, but a DQ loss to JBL kind of makes him look like stupid and weak. Regardless 62 points is still good for me, so whatever.
At the end of the week, I am now ranked 945th in the game with 1186 total points.

So now, what to do about this week? I'm going back to a RAW only roster, as Smackdown clearly has no predictable direction.
Here they are, with cost in millions (and reasoning):

Carlito 3.5M (will either have a cabana segment, or a match for Shelton to try to get his revenge)

Chris Jericho 4M (guaranteed for some points for the battle of the band segment against John Cena, and has a better chance of having an actual match as well)

Chris Masters 2.5M (if it really is Big Show vs Masters at Summerslam, they need to keep him on TV)

Edge 4M (will be in specialty stretcher match with Kane, so extra points)

Kane 4M (see Edge above)

Kurt Angle 5M (the invitational challenge will be on again, possibly with that same underdog guy) Also, look for him to figure strongly the next week, and pick Triple H as the "hometown hero" that finally takes him down, since they are in Connecticut, and then in Pittsburgh the week after. Big Summerslam match is a face Triple H vs. heel Kurt Angle.

Shelton Benjamin 4M (see Carlito above. They need to push that feud as hard as they can going into Summerslam)

The Hurricane 3M (with not much on the show tonight there will probably be a tag match)

Next Stop: Surreal Life

We bid a fond farewell to a true corporate warrior. A warrior who, despite a lack of ability, creativity, and social skills, was still willing to bare his teeth (literally) and fight against all odds and everyone who happened to be in the room at the time.
I have a theory that Chris was a victim of a case of mistaken identity. He was supposed to show up for a different show altogether. Like "The Contender", or "The Ultimate Fighter", or "Tough Enough", where his misplaced aggression could be channelled within the forum of sports entertainment.
To paraphrase the immortal "Nature Boy" Ric Flair, Chris "Mr. Intensity" Shelton is a:
Tobacco chewin'
Profanity spewin'
Clown suit wearin'
Little kid scarin'
Pizza makin'
Leg breakin'
Credit Card losin'
Binge-boozin' son-of-a-gun! whoooooo!
I can see "Tubby" now, tearing off his tie, the veins popping out of the side of his head, as he pulls his lips back to reveal his rodent-like teeth, with spit flying out as he verbally runs down his opponent (7-second delay in full effect). And when he's finished the guy off, he could mark his victim by spewing tobacco juice on him.
Think about it, Vince McMahon. You and Trump could make a star out of this numbskull. Then again, never mind. If this mugshot from his Tampa drunk and disorderly arrest is any indication, he would be impossible to deal with on the road.

... And We're Back

Due to popular demand, I have returned to the blogosphere.
We've got a lot of ground to cover people, so "buckle your seatbelts" for rapid fire comments on many subjects.

ITEM! Spike TV and WWE will be parting ways soon. I guess that Most Extreme Elimination Challenge - pro wrestling crossover is now just a pipe dream.

ITEM! The Vince-Vaughan-looking cocky dude from the Apprentice discovers he is not really "all that" after all. And kind of an ass. And got his punk card pulled by Tyler Stewart from BNL.
"Fluffers"? Really? Dude.
BELATED ITEM! Clowns + chewing tobacco = must-see television

ITEM! Amazing Race competitors accuse Robfather of cheating. And by cheating what they mean is, "why didn't I think of that"?
Bribing the porter at the station to keep quiet about the faster bus: 25$
Bribing the bus driver to keep the doors closed until he's gotten a good start 25$.
Bribing the tourist in episode 1 to help them through Peru: 25$
Passing by everyone else to finish at the 40 minute mark in the episode: priceless.
Hated him on Survivor, loving him here. When that guy said, "You're lucky no one can vote you out on this game" my comment was "Damn right!" A game where Rob doesn't have to worry about the interpersonal baggage makes him just about the most dangerous guy ever unleashed on this show. No jury, no politicking, just be there first. I now want an Amazing Race of nothing but Survivor alumni. Tina and Colby (AUS), Roger and Elizabeth (AUS), Brian and Clay (THAI), Richard Hatch (S1) and Brandon (AFR), and Jenna and Heidi (AMA) would all make great teams.

ITEM! Speaking of Survivor, best quote from last night is when "Boomhauer" James tries to rationalize being punked out by Coby in the pillow-fight sumo challenge. "I didn't expect to get beaten by a ho-mo-sextual, but that guy was strong. You know, those guys, they're always working out, and keeping themselves looking fit, it makes sense"
Let me reiterate from Apprentice comment: "those guys"? Really? Dude.

ITEM! My list of "fan-boy" movies is growing longer every week. Batman Begins, Watchmen, Hitchhikers Guide, and V for Vendetta. Not even counting the stuff that's still far away like Transformers, X-Men 3, and of course, Superman featuring Kevin Spacey as Lex Luthor. Although, I am getting a little less inspired the more I see of the Fantastic Four flick. This new fad will undoubtedly implode as bad as the dot-com boom, for now, Nerd Nirvana awaits...

Please to be discussing!

Letting the Apprentice run the Asylum

A friend emailed me after last night's Apprentice suggesting that the task next week should be recruiting and interviewing for a new cast.

I concur! Talk about a slum of mediocrity. I wouldn't let any of these folks mow my lawn. They make Sam from Season 1 look like a real blue-chipper.

When "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" started to "jump the shark", I thought, "America has run out of smart people". Now I think, "America has run out of talented business people."

This cast seems a lot like the group of unqualified goofball "candidates" from that spoof "My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss" show. Is it a telling sign that I can't remember any of their names, and still refer to them by descriptions instead, (as seen in the references below)?

The only ones that have any potential are the dude that looks like a heavy-set Vince Vaughan (the Burger King leader in the first task), and the metro-sexual guy who dresses straight in the boardroom, but in the individual interviews looks like a character from "Queer as Folk". When that wierdly intense chubby dude, ("I don't have anything important to say, so I'll make redundant points in an angry manner") started talking about how bad it was that Magna's commercial featured homosexual themes, the camera flashed over to my man (and by "my man" I don't mean to imply that I'm attracted to him. Not that there's anything wrong with that) as if to say, "Here's one right here, quick buddy, react like you represent the entire gay community".

Maybe Trump has a line of convenience or dollar stores he's starting and the winner can run that.
I can see it now, "The discount retail INdustry (capitals to depict Trump's odd way of saying industry), is a huge, 30 billion dollar a year INdustry. I've decided to enter that INdustry with a chain of discount stores. They're going to be called, are you ready, "TRUMP DISCOUNT STORE". Is that a great name or what?"
"You as my apprentice, will oversee all the important aspects of the chain. You'll decide what colour of corrugated vinyl to use for signage. You'll set the price structure, like which items should be $1, and which ones should be 2 for $1. You'll manage everything from melmac coffee mugs to birthday party supplies. It's a challenging job, but I know you'll rise to the occasion, because I know you are truly challenged."

Please to be discussing!

I'm Already Obsolete

Check out this article Go ahead. Click away.

It's two comics pros discussing the role blogs have played in comic book criticism / creation / marketing.
I love how they reference that 2004 was the year Blogs started to suck. Holy #@$* am I ever behind the times, since I didn't even know what blogs were until around 4 weeks ago.
I can't wait until the pace of technology increases to a pace like this:
A: "Hey have you got the new atomic-cell-widget yet?"
B: "What is an atomic-cell-widget?"
A: "What? Oh man, atomic-cell-widgets are, like, sooo 30 seconds ago. You need to keep up, dude. Everyone is into sub-atomic-cell-widgets now."

PS - ever notice how the Blogger spell-check won't recognize the word "Blog"? This stuff is obsolete even to itself!!

Must ... Resist ...

I am caving from the craving.

I've been good all day. I had my power bar on the way to work, I had my little healthy feast of yogurt and dried fruit mid-morning, and I had a nice lunch of chicken breast and salad.

But now is the time of temptation. I want a treat. I want a treat right now. I got a fever, and the only cure, is a treat.

I tried drinking water to stave off the need. The result? I sat, bladder engorged, more in need than ever.

I almost gave in, and walked down the hall, toonie in hand to partake in some kind of baked good from the caf upstairs. "No!" I said to myself, "don't do it, don't be weak, break the snack cycle."

So I walked on by, resolute in my determination, and made it to the person's desk I was supposed to visit. Only when I get there, she's got a box of doughnuts on her counter. Not little easily-justified Tim-bits either, a dozen real honest to goodness treasures (including one of those nice fluffy glazed ones, you know, the ones that look like monster-truck tires?). I must have looked pathetic inspecting the box, waiting in my passive-aggressiveness for her to offer me one. When she did I made a face like I'd been offered to sell my soul, and say (out loud this time), "No, I will stay strong."

So now I sit, un-treated, with an illusory hunger that won't be satisfied today.

At least I've got the drive home, with my apple. Joy abounds...