Next Stop: Surreal Life

We bid a fond farewell to a true corporate warrior. A warrior who, despite a lack of ability, creativity, and social skills, was still willing to bare his teeth (literally) and fight against all odds and everyone who happened to be in the room at the time.
I have a theory that Chris was a victim of a case of mistaken identity. He was supposed to show up for a different show altogether. Like "The Contender", or "The Ultimate Fighter", or "Tough Enough", where his misplaced aggression could be channelled within the forum of sports entertainment.
To paraphrase the immortal "Nature Boy" Ric Flair, Chris "Mr. Intensity" Shelton is a:
Tobacco chewin'
Profanity spewin'
Clown suit wearin'
Little kid scarin'
Pizza makin'
Leg breakin'
Credit Card losin'
Binge-boozin' son-of-a-gun! whoooooo!
I can see "Tubby" now, tearing off his tie, the veins popping out of the side of his head, as he pulls his lips back to reveal his rodent-like teeth, with spit flying out as he verbally runs down his opponent (7-second delay in full effect). And when he's finished the guy off, he could mark his victim by spewing tobacco juice on him.
Think about it, Vince McMahon. You and Trump could make a star out of this numbskull. Then again, never mind. If this mugshot from his Tampa drunk and disorderly arrest is any indication, he would be impossible to deal with on the road.